After speaking with Steve Coombs I noticed I had several elements of my script that I needed to change. Once I got any formatting errors out of the way as pointed out in the first draft, we brainstormed some ideas. The brainstorm flowed well, and we were both able to come up with some really interesting ideas with as to how I could improve my script. For example, we discussed the idea of George taking William back to the home. Every care home has its escapist, and William could be that one, and George knows he is in a home. The numbers '6363' could be used throughout, and have significance. The audience hear these numbers in different situations but its never revealed the meaning behind them until a nurse asks how he escaped when the doors were locked. He then follows George back to the church and types in the code on the door 6363. An example of where this set of four numbers comes about could be when buying the newspaper in the shop. He asks if the paper and rice comes to £63.63, which is an extortionate amount. This bizarre behaviour also foreshadows his mental instability. I feel like this also creates more purpose to the post office scene, because before it was just to show his typical routine, but now it shows the numbers are significant and that he wants the food packet with faces on.
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| Post Office Scene- Original |
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Post Office Scene- Edit
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The first image is my original draft of the post office scene, and the second is my next draft after speaking to Steve Coombs. I feel that not only is there more purpose to this scene but also more drama. I have now included a 'giveaway' that William is not of a sound mind. Firstly he gets the price completely wrong, but also gets agitated when the shop assistant picks up a bag of rice without Uncle Ben's face on. This emphasises the fact that he's lonely and suffers from dementia (people with dementia talk to faces they see, even if not real).
I changed scenes 17-20 because I felt it wasn't realistic. I feel George knows William well enough to know that he's in a home now. Steve said, although they were genuinely moving, I still needed to craft some surprise. The call to the alzheimer's society seemed too generic, like a device. I agreed with this having though about it and then came up with the idea of having William get taken back to the care home, where he now lives. Every care home has its escapee, and William could be that one.
Taking William to the home makes more sense, adding that surprise; it confirms that William needs looking after, and suffers dementia. This then leads on to William leaving again, and following George back to the church again. This therefore breaks predictability,William is alone and audience may predict George will be the one to visit William at the home, but it's actually William that follows George back to the church.
After writing the care home scene for my second draft, I realised I wanted to actually have more dialogue there. It was too rushed to have William dropped off and then leaves to follow George again. People would notice he was missing and probably search for him. I therefore added dialogue between a nurse and George, talking about William. This tells us a little more about Williams character and his history which is implied through flashbacks. They are designed to be vague and only imply events so this conversation confirms everything.
After writing the care home scene for my second draft, I realised I wanted to actually have more dialogue there. It was too rushed to have William dropped off and then leaves to follow George again. People would notice he was missing and probably search for him. I therefore added dialogue between a nurse and George, talking about William. This tells us a little more about Williams character and his history which is implied through flashbacks. They are designed to be vague and only imply events so this conversation confirms everything.
I changed scenes 17-20 because I felt it wasn't realistic. I feel George knows William well enough to know that he's in a home now. Steve said, although they were genuinely moving, I still needed to craft some surprise. The call to the alzheimer's society seemed too generic, like a device. I agreed with this having though about it and then came up with the idea of having William get taken back to the care home, where he now lives. Every care home has its escapee, and William could be that one. 
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